My Shameful Addiction

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I’m skipping my Cabinet of Curiosities post today in favor of one of my earliest blog posts. I stumbled over this recently, realized every word of it still holds true, and just had to re-share. I hope you get a chuckle from it…

It began at an early age. My parents made several attempts to intervene and steer me to the straight and narrow. I believe they thought I‘d grow out of it given time. Later, DH tried to help me break the habit, suggesting I go cold turkey. Instead, I ended up corrupting him and introducing him to the dark side.  

You see… I am a chipaholic.

Yes, you heard correctly. Those innocent crisps of potato and salt are my downfall. Before you roll your eyes and reach for an Utz, allow me to put this craving in perspective.  My willpower runs like this:

Chocolate?
Eh. I have to be in the mood.

Ice cream?
Eh. Maybe some mint chocolate chip a few times a year.

Cakes, cookies, donuts? yawn
They don’t speak to me.

Soda?
Never. I hate the fizzy stuff.

Chips?
Oooh! Look how pretty and tempting!

That’s not to say I don’t have standards. I’m not much for flavors like sour cream and onion, cheddar, salt and vinegar, Cajun, dill pickle (seriously?) and pizza. Give me plain, or the occasional barbeque. Old-fashioned, kettle brands, and russets are great too, as are those fancy gourmet colored ones you buy in the organic aisle (as if that’s going to make them healthy. Yeah, right).

But I digress. Any chipaholic worth their salt will tell you there is a proper method to christening a fresh bag of chips. The following steps must be followed precisely:

  1. Grip bag to release auditory crinkle of paper (this builds anticipation).
  2. Tug bag apart/open (do not tear).
  3. Inhale/savor the bouquet.
  4. Eat one chip, and one chip only, to absorb flavor. This must be done to appreciate the vintage of the batch, the same way you would sample wine after allowing it to breathe. Not all chips are created equal.
  5. If spouse is present, share a chip with him.
  6. Pretend snobbery and control.
  7. Devour bag, then tell yourself it’s the last time.

Pitiful, yes, I know. Since my will power is notorious for gleefully hopping the Middleswarth or Martin’s Kettle Cooked train, we don’t often buy chips in my house. Occasionally, however, DH will want a bag, and I don’t feel it’s fair to deprive him.  The solution? After much discussion (and hysterical sobbing on my part about unwanted weight gain… okay, kidding, but you get the idea), we determined he would buy only ripple chips. Why is this a big deal? Because, I hate ripples. They’re thick and ridgy and don’t taste anything remotely like a chip should.

Genius, right? I was happy. He was happy. We threw confetti. Then he brought the innocuous ripples home.

Guess what?

When there is no other chip in the house, the siren call of a ripple is enough to awaken the slumbering beast of a chipaholic. It wasn’t long before it dragged me into the kitchen whispering I should taste ‘just one’ to remind myself how wretched they were. After all, I’m a chip snob. A ripple had no power over me. Or so I thought. *hangs head in shame* 

The end result?  We don’t buy ripples anymore. If I’m going to cave, I want it to be for the Real McCoy (see above reference to Middleswarth).

So, I’m back to banishing chips from the house and eating carrot sticks. Er, most of the time anyway. After all, what good is a guilty pleasure if you can’t wallow around it in once in a while?

So, how does all of this relate to writing? Simple. I’m addicted to that too, and that’s something I won’t banish from the house. Ever!

Now that I’ve fessed up to my woefully embarrassing addiction, what’s yours? Do share! 😀

95 thoughts on “My Shameful Addiction”

  1. When I started watching my diet and getting series about my health, I gave up soda and chips. I don’t miss them at all. Now ice cream—that’s a different story. We don’t keep it in the house because I lack self-control with that.😆

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    • Isn’t it weird what our individual triggers are? I have no problem passing on ice cream, and I’ve never been a fan of soda, but my self-control goes out the window with chips. Even now, 33 pounds lighter and at a healthy weight and BMI, I still have to indulge in chips now and then. What’s really scary? I’d give up chips before bread!

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  2. Mae, I’m laughing how you managed to corrupt your DH as he too fell for the crisps … sorry, your chips! We can’t buy a tube of Pringles without them disappearing in a flash and with our son no longer at home we can’t even blame him! My personal addiction is chocolate … I’m always in the mood for that! 😀During the past two years I stopped going to shops and therefore my regular supply dwindled … yet the longing returns and I have no control at all if there is some in the house! 😀

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    • Ahhh, Pringles. I like them when I’m traveling or on trips. They’re so handy, especially now that they make the smaller cannisters, too. I always go for the original flavor. You have good taste, Annika. 😀

      When it comes to chocolate, the darker the better for me. I don’t eat a lot of it, but at least then I can pretend it’s healthy, LOL.

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    • Chips are sinfully delicious, Sharon. Evil, tasty little things I just can’t resist. If there’s a bag in my house, it won’t last for long. I’m definitely Camp Salty vs.Sweet. Surprisingly, I can even devour lightly-salted or no-salt chips!

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  5. Isn’t it funny how people crave either salty or sweet? I’m totally on the sweet side. I don’t bother with chips, I do like nuts, but I LOVE chocolate, breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Maybe food addictions can be classified under your Cabinet of Curiosities. I mean, we eat chips or chocolate, but some people eat weird stuff like dirt or hair and can’t help themselves!

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    • I am so glad my cravings don’t run to dirt or hair, Priscilla, but you do have me thinking about food cravings and my Cabinet of Curiosities posts. Those cravings are definitely curious, LOL.

      I think most people either lean toward sweet or salty. I’m definitely camp salty. My husband’s weakness is nuts and my MILs is ice cream. And then there is bread… I think I would even give up chips before a good loaf of a hearty, crusty bread!

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  6. Oh, Mae, this had me chuckling away! My want-but-keep-to-a-minimum is melted cheese. The stronger the better! Stick it on a half ciabatta or slice of fresh bread. Sprinkle on some onion, then top with mature cheddar, and melt it to browned in the oven …. Mmm, mmm, mmm 😋 Thanks for the chuckles 💕🙂

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    • Mmmmm! Harmony, I love melted cheese, especially over a nice slice of crusty bread. I’ll join you on that addiction, LOL.

      I’m glad you got a chuckle out of my chips (crisps?) weakness. I love hearing what others are unable to resist. Most have been sweets of some sort. Melted cheese is a good one, and a winner in my book. I love savory food over sweet.

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      • My tastes have changed with age. I used to have a terrible sweet tooth, but in recent years, it’s savoury all the way! The only crisps (chips) we have in the house are the lower calorie baked kind … I can see you rolling your eyes in horror at that admission! 🤣

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      • LOL! Well, I’ve been known to eat the no salt variety to in an effort to be healthier, but I can only do that so often. It’s just not the same!

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  7. I love salty snacks. My number one favorite is popcorn. Then, nuts and chips. I have not had popcorn for over a year. If I don’t buy it, I don’t eat it.
    Since I started gaining a little weight (about 15 pounds), I went on the Adkins diet. I have lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks and have adjusted to it well. My body likes it too!! The real test will be when I am finished with the initial phase and reach my goal, which is to monitor what I am eating and when.
    It would be interesting to read a study on why some of us are salt cravers or sweet cravers. I enjoyed your post with its honesty and some humor.

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    • I’m so glad you enjoyed the post, Karen. I had such fun writing this one!
      My husband is the one who loves nuts. For popcorn, sometimes I get strong cravings for it, but I’ve yet to find one I really like so I only eat it a couple times a year. It is interesting how some of us lean toward salty snacks and other sweet snacks.

      Congratulations on the weight lost with the Adkins diet. That’s fabulous. I’ve found that the older I get the harder it is to lose weight. Two years ago during lockdown, I decided to use the time to get healthy. I started walking then bumped it up to jogging. I took my time, but ended up losing 33 pounds in about 9-10 months. I’m now at a good weight and BMI, and have been in maintenance mode for some time. I still eat chips, I just try not to indulge as frequently!

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  8. I had no idea you were a chipaholic! While I used to prefer ripple chips over plain ones, once Kettle chips became available, there’s no other like them. I’m not wild about alternate flavors, just give me ones with sea salt. And for sure I never eat sour cream and onion chips. (There’s a story behind that.)

    However, my favorite chip is tortilla chips dipped in salsa while sitting in a Mexican restuarant. 🙂

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    • So now I’m really curious about the story behind sour cream and onion chips, Joan. That might need a blog post to explain, LOL.

      I love tortilla chips with salsa, especially while in a Mexican restaurant. In fact I just had them the other night (erm, minus te restaurant…I keep them on hand at home). I love Kettle chips, but Middleswarth are still my favorite. I’m pretty sure they’re just a Pennsylvania brand, and not available across the state. My brother, who lives near the PA/Maryland border can’t get them, and always loves when I have them at parties. If I ever move south, I’m going to miss my Middleswarth!

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  9. That is too funny!!! And so true of those food we love that are bad for us. Chips aren’t my weakness. I like a few with a sandwich for the crunch and saltiness but just literally a few is fine. My weakness is candy and we have had many conversations about bringing candy into the house and the types I don’t care for as much that would be acceptable. Great post, Mae!

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  12. I adored this, Mae! When I was in college Utz BBQ was my brand – loved them and could eat a whole bag in one sitting. Living in the South, I’d never seen the brand around. About a month ago, I was walking through Meijer and came to a dead stop. It had been decades, but I sensed their presence. Like an old friend waiting to greet me. I slowly turned my head to the left – and there they were. A whole display of Utz BBQ chips. I nearly sobbed with joy and barely refrained from hurling myself into the display and bathing in the bags. But then I walked on by. Chocolate is now my addiction, and I can’t keep it in the house.

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    • Teri, your comment has me laughing. I love how you “sensed their presence.” YES! A true chipaholic, even if you resisted the siren allure of that display. This was such a great story, and Utz BBQ is definitely a worthy chip. Thanks for adding to the fun today.

      And wouldn’t you know hubby texted to say he’s stopping at the grocery store and thinking of picking up a bag of chips. Did I want any? I am so freaking predictable. Of course I said yes!

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  13. Salty chips are wonderful, but my addiction is dark chocolate. Nothing calms my soul more than a few pieces of chocolate and for that reason, I keep them near and always stocked. 😊

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    • Dark chocolate is my favorite, Gwen. I keep a bag of foil-wrapped 92% dark squares in the cupboard and will often grab one at night. When I was a kid white chocolate was my favorite. Now, I’m not sure how I ever ate it, it’s so sweet!

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  14. Chips are not chips here of course, we call them crisps, which really is more in keeping with what they actually are, flat crispy things. Chips here are what you call fries, but really they are chips as they are chipped from potatoes, they should be fat and chunky, not like McDonald fries which are piddly little chips. Anyhow, I like crisps, especially S&V and I like chips even more!

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  15. I’m the same way, Mae. This was so fun to read and I can totally relate. Cake…meh. Chocolate… meh. Ice cream… meh. Good old fashion chips? Yum. Lol. My husband and I don’t eat chips because we avoid carbs, but occasionally I’ll binge, buy a bag and shovel the contents into my mouth in one sitting. A fun post.

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    • I LOVE that Michele is a Middleswarth snob. There is no better chip on the planet! A number of years ago, several of my co-workers got miniature bags of Middleswarth chips from a local distributed and plastered my office with them on my birthday—they were all over my desk, in the drawers, on the bookcases, window sills, file cabinets–it was a lot of fun.

      I do love a good cheeseboard too, and honestly, I would probably give up chips before I gave up bread!

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  17. While I do appreciate a good chip (salt and vinegar is a favorite), I am a cookie monster. I can not resist cookies, the bigger and moister the better! Christmas is my favorite time of year because I bake all sorts of cookies and eat many of them before I give the rest away as gifts!

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  18. I had to laugh out loud at this confession, Mae. 🙂 I feel like I walked into an AA meeting. I’m with Pete on this one. Ice Cream is my addiction and I have to banish it from my house or I gain back every pound I’ve lost. I blame it on my daddy. He loved ice cream year-round. It didn’t matter if there was snow on the ground. In fact, if there was, he talked Mama into making snow ice cream. And Daddy ate his ice cream with a fork. I never figured that one out. No. I use a spoon and lick every tiny speck off the spoon before I take another bite. Summer is coming and that’s when I really cave. This year I”m going to be strong.

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    • I love that we’re all sharing our addictions, Jan. My MIL is much like your Daddy was. She is addicted to ice cream and will eat it year-round. I have to admit I never heard of anyone eating ice cream with a fork. That is really unusual. Maybe it had something to do with his way of savoring it.

      My hubby always enjoys ice cream in the summer. I’ll usually taste a spoonful of his, but I normally pass on it. I’m glad you’re planning on being strong, but there’s nothing wrong with an occasional indulgence, right? 😉

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  20. Now I want to send you chips you might not have there to see if you’d like them, haha! 😄 But coffee does to me what chips do to you, and most of the time my reactions to the others are the same haha! Thanks for sharing, Mae, great to know these fun things about you 😋

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    • Marie, you will probably cringe when I tell you that I only drink decaf coffee. My friends who drink “the real stuff” tell me it’s not even really coffee,.

      It would be so interesting to taste chips from other countries. I think I had some in Mexico and Punta Cana, but I don’t remember them standing out as being close to beating my beloved Middlestwarth, LOL. Glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for adding to the fun!

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      • 😂 Cringing JUST a little, but hey, I drink instant coffee and I know to some people that’s not “the real stuff” either so LOL

        Imagine if there was a chips buffet, which is like a hotel buffet with stations featuring cuisines from various countries/regions, only… all chips. Haha! I know Coca-Cola had something like that where you can taste their different flavors around the world, so we can dream can’t we? 😄

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      • That is such a cool idea with the chip buffet, Marie. I’d love sampling all those different chips from different countries.

        I remember the days of instant coffee. I used to drink a lot of it. My favorite coffee (which will surely make people who love the stuff cringe) is the kind you get from a vending machine. Don’t know why, but it just has a unique/special taste I like, LOL!

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  21. LOL. Cookies are the temptation I have trouble with. My friend and critique partner, M.L. Rigdon, loves to bake, and when she thinks I’m ready to binge again, she makes me peanut butter cookies. At Christmas, I bake LOTS of cookies and have to test them out before I give them as presents. A great molasses cookie always makes me happy.

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    • A second vote for cookies. Noelle mentioned them as her weakness too, especially at Christmas when she bakes before giving them out as presents. My husband’s mother and grandmother used to bake for days around Christmas, creating mountains of confections. I admit I devoured a lot of cookies in those days. There’s something about a cookie at Christmas that just can’t be beat.
      Thanks for adding to the fun today Judi!

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  23. Lol! Love this post Mae, it’s nice to acknowledge our weaknesses but putting it across in a funny way is awesome! I avoid chips as they are so addictive, I ration my chocolates though I love them, not to forget I love Indian sweets…and those that float in sugary syrup… ah! now my mouth is watering! 😀

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    • Chips are addictive! You’d think over time I’d like them a little less, but nooooo! I crave them every bit as much as I did when I was a kid.

      You are not alone in rationing chocolates, Balroop. They seem to be a weakness for many of those who commented. I do like a good dark chocolate. And now you have me curious about Indian sweets.

      So glad you enjoyed the post. I had fun with it!

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  25. Mae, I am definitely a chip snob. Middleswarth are my favorite. One of my son’s best friends live across the street from the factory. He brings me a three pound box every time he comes to visit. Yes, you heard correctly a three pound box. And it doesn’t last long. Unfortunately, I do share. I used to live in Spring Mills right down the road from the UTZ Chip factory. They don’t compare to Middleswarth.

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    • Ah, Michele, I could wax poetic about Middleswarth. They are without a doubt the pinnacle of chip-dom. Utz will do if there is no Middleswarth to be had, but they rank below the king of chips. I love that we are in agreement on that.

      And you are so lucky to have your own delivery of Middleswarth from your son’s friend. What a prize…even if you do have to share, LOL!

      Thanks for adding to the fun today. Long live Middleswarth!

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  27. Ah, what’s life without the occasional indulgence? There is something satisfying about the crunch of chips, so I hear you there. My addiction is coffee, though about 5 years ago, I detested it. The addiction started after we bought a Keurig. The machine is long gone, but the cravings have remained. Thanks for sharing, your post brought a chuckle.

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    • Mark, you’re the second person to mention coffee as their addiction. I drank it sporadically until my husband bought a Keurig and then I was hooked too, but I only drink decaf, and mostly the flavored stuff (yeah, I know…not real coffee, right?). We went through one Keurig and are now on #2. Couldn’t be without that beloved machine. Sounds like you went back to brewing pots of the stuff, LOL!
      So glad my post gave you a chuckle 🙂

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    • Mmmm, pizza. I am a bigtime fan, Mar, but only of the really good ones. Sadly, in my area there aren’t many (any) pizzerias I love. Hubs and I usually make our own at home. He’s an ice cream fan, too. I sample it now and then—usually with chips, LOL

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  30. Haha, Mae, I haven’t had soda for 10 or more years, donut or ice cream, maybe 5 years. It just feels like putting spoonful of sugar in my mouth. Cake or cookies for social occasions. I crave for little salt here and there, so chips is my go-to also. I said to myself, it’s not sweet, not fattening. BBQ potato chips or Nach cheese tortilla chips would do. It’s dangerous when shop at Costco when I’m hungry. I bought a big bag of chips. I may eat it a few times, but hubby takes no time to finish up for me.

    So I have to tell myself to behave and have some self control for me and for him. 🤓😄

    I made some super healthy cookies with oatmeal, dried fruit and several kinds of nuts. Hubby didn’t even taste it. He made summer chocolate chip cookies for himself today with so many chocolate chips that he might as well put a handful of them in his mouth. It’s not his regular thing to do, so I didn’t say anything!

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    • Mmmm….Nacho cheese tortilla chips are awesome, too. I usually only crave those a couple times a year, but when I do they’re a must have. Isn’t it weird that when you don’t eat sugary snacks and then have something like a piece of cake, donut, or the kind of cookie your husband made (haha!) everything takes extra sweet?

      The super healthy cookies you made sound really good. I’ve seen a few that are no-bake (even made them before) and they’re a nice “go to” when I do want something slightly sweet, but chips rule. Glad to know I’m not alone with that thought, Miriam, LOL!

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      • My low (close to no) sugar diet has developed into a sensitivity to sugar. When I have sweet in the evening for social event, it would keep me up all night. Sometimes I take a “stamp size” of every dessert just for fun knowing I’d be up all night. Other times I took a bite from my hubby’s dessert and couldn’t figure out why I was up. By 2am, suddenly remembered I took a bite of the sinful chocolate cake!!
        🤓😄
        My mom had diabetes. It’s a good thing that I’m sensitive to sugar!!

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      • Sugar will definitely do that, Miriam. And the caffeine in chocolate. I know many people who have that problem. Considering your mom’s history, it’s a good thing you don’t crave sugar!

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    • I think you’re first for mentioning switching between sweet and salty, Peachy. Most everyone seemed to be one camp or another. I have to admit, I do LOVE sweet and salty together. Nothing can beat that combination….well, except for maybe chips! 😉
      Glad to hear you’re a fan, too!

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  32. Two words, Mae: Lays Baked. I can’t have them in the house. Every once in a while Bob craves them, and I indulge, but it’s not often. Lately, I can’t get enough Smartfood. Not a pretty sight with white cheese all over my fingertips and popcorn crumbs under my desk chair. *facepalm*

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    • That visual has me busting up laughing, Sue.
      At least when it comes to chips, you go for the baked variety. Some would call that “healthy” LOL!
      And guess what I just devoured tonight? I’m going on another banish-chips-from-the-house-rant. I’m so predictable!

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  33. Hahahaha. I laughed at SO many places in this, I can’t even count them! Great post, Mae. And as for me, sadly, I can no longer have normal chips. Way too many carbs for my health these days, so I gave them up when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Now I’m allowed ONLY wee little bags of Quest low-carb chips, and not even a lot of those. *sigh* The good news is, I’ve managed to get my diabetes under control, and my last A1C test was NORMAL!!! WOO and also HOO! So, technically I could cheat once in a while and indulge in chips (or my absolute favorite snack of ice cream) and probably be just fine. BUT. That’s a slippery slope I don’t care to find myself on, or my blood sugar numbers would rise, and my doctor would end up beating me about the head and shoulders with an empty chip bag. 😮

    Alas. I shall just have to admire the idea from afar and file this whole topic under “Remember When ….?”

    Great post, Mae. Still chuckling at your descriptions! 😂😂😂

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    • Oh, no! I’m sorry you can no longer indulge, Marcia, but I fully understand the reasons why. Better to be healthy and avoid chips altogether then to risk it. Just banish the things from being anywhere near you. As you said, you can always think “Remember when…” I’m like that with scents. I used to love floral scents, and perfumes, but as I’ve gotten older they play havoc with my sinus. It’s pathetic, but I do “remember when.”

      Glad you got a few chuckles from the post. I had fun writing this one! 😀

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      • Not to worry, Mae. As you say, it’s worth it to be in better health. And I’ve found some tasty workarounds that keep me from feeling deprived. There’s a sugar-free ice cream I can eat that tastes as good any I’ve ever had, though it is high-cal, so I have to portion it out carefully. And I’ve found low car breads, tortillas, and all sorts of other sugar-free stuff, so I’m healthier now than I was before my diagnosis. But I have to say, some chips would be good. (Or French fries. OMG, do I ever miss fries!

        Sorry about the scents. I have to be careful with those, too, but so far, I can still use wax melts, or fresh evergreens, and that makes me happy. Needs must, as they say, and we manage however we can, right?

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  34. Hi Mae, what a fun post. I don’t keep chips in the house either, but not because of me! I have some addictions too but they aren’t food related. I am addicted to writing, cooking, baking, reading and I can’t give any of them up even for short periods. I wrote two short stories while on holiday in December and made chicken biryani one evening and French omelets and homemade chips the next.

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    • Robbie, I like that you have a lot of different addictions and that they seem to balance each other out….writing followed by cooking, equals treats for the imagination and the tastebuds. As for homemade chips? YUM!!!!! 🙂

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