I’m turning my blog over to my good friend Donna Cummings today, and her very witty, spectacular, beyond-fabulous guest (you’ll understand all of those lovely adjectives in a minute). This post had me grinning in delight, so sit back and enjoy. Oh—and Donna has an awesome treat for you, too, at the end. 🙂
An Interview with My Muse Endora
by Donna Cummings
After I read the great post here from C. S. Boyack about the raven Doubt, I received an unexpected visit from my muse Endora. She was quite inspired by Doubt’s work, and wanted to renovate the writing cave to include room for an entire flock of ravens. She argued that it would help with our “job share” arrangement—the one where she takes all the credit and I get all the blame.
I know the best way to distract Endora from such a crazy notion is to interview her. So I’ve set things up here to look like a stage, because she’s quite the diva, and is more likely to “cooperate” if we make a big fuss.
Let me just do a quick check to see if everything’s arranged the way she likes. There’s an extra comfy chaise longue for her to lay on while she waves her hand disdainfully. Wall-to-wall mirrors so she can admire herself while ensuring I can see that she’s ignoring me. An applause machine on the “Never Quit” setting.
Yep. I think we’re good.
Ladies and gentlemen, Endora really needs no introduction, but she would twist my arm into a pretzel if I didn’t talk about her in the most glowing terms. She’s the one who inspires me to keep writing. (Usually by leaving me with all the work.) She’s the one who makes me try harder. (By sniffing at all the work I do produce.) But most importantly, she’s the one who keeps me laughing. (Because I’d spend all my time crying otherwise.)
Please welcome the lovely and talented Endora!
Me: *waves hand and coughs* That appearing in a puff of smoke thing never fails to impress. Are you sure you aren’t using more smoke lately?
Endora: *reclines on the chaise longue and arranges her flowing skirts* I have no idea what you’re talking about. I never do.
Me: Oh. Well. Uh, thanks for stopping by. I know you’ve got a busy schedule. *rolls eyes and speaks to the audience* I actually have NO idea how she spends her time.
Endora: It’s a full-time occupation just to maintain this level of fabulous. *fluffs hair* If I wasn’t so busy, I might be able to help you out more.
Me: Yeah, I bet it takes centuries to achieve that particular shade of orange—Ouch! I can’t believe you kicked me.
Endora: I was just stretching my leg out. Your chair is closer than I realized.
Me: *grumbles* Well, let’s get started. I’ve got a few questions that were submitted beforehand by audience members. Oh, this is a really good one: “Why are you always so mean to Donna?”
Endora: *sniffs* Pick one that you didn’t write.
Me: How do you know I wrote it?
Endora: Honestly. I’m your muse. I know what you sound like.
Me: I don’t know how. You’re never around. *shuffles cards* Okay, how about this one? “How did you and Donna meet?”
Endora: *speaks directly to the audience in a sugary voice* She was a fledgling writer, and I decided to take the poor darling under my wing—
Me: It was more like a chokehold. Our arrangement actually started when I was struggling with some early writing, and there was this derisive voice in my head that kept comparing my efforts to all kinds of garbage-y trash-like things.
Endora: It’s exhausting coming up with new variations for those terms. I know I make it look easy–
Me: *glares* Okay, next question. “What’s your favorite of all the books Donna has written?”
Endora: She writes books? *yawns* How droll.
Me: “What’s Donna’s best quality as a writer?”
Endora: Oh, that’s easy. The way she keeps giving so much time and attention to me.
Me: This isn’t going quite the way I planned.
Endora: That’s because you’re a pantser. You don’t plot anything out ahead of time.
Me: *grits teeth* Except your demise. I’m always plotting THAT.
Endora: Are we about done? I’ve got a million things to do today. . .
Me: Oh! So that means you’ve looked at the latest WIP? I could use your help with Chapter 5 actually.
Endora: *exhales heavily* Well, apparently I’ve got a million and one things to do now. But I’ve got to work on the important things first. Like figuring out my new theme song. I’ll catch up with you later.
Me: That line is going to be on my tombstone, thanks to you.
Endora: See? I’m always inspiring you. It’s no wonder I’m worn to a complete frazzle. I need to schedule another 52 weeks of vacation just to rest up.
Me: And I’ve got to schedule an optometrist appointment for all the eye-rolling you make me do. Anyway, thanks for showing up today. It was such a surprise. I mean, it was a real thrill—
Endora: *disappears in a huge cloud of smoke*
Me: You can’t even wait until I finish my sentence?! What a witch.
Endora: *disembodied voice* Thank you.
Me: That wasn’t—oh, never mind.
I have worked as an attorney, winery tasting room manager, and retail business owner, but nothing beats the thrill of writing humorously-ever-after romances.
I reside in New England, although I fantasize about spending the rest of my days in a tropical locale, wearing flip flops year-round, or in Regency London, scandalizing the ton.
I can usually be found on Twitter, talking about writing and coffee, and on Facebook, talking about coffee and writing.
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