Welcome to Thursday (hey—wow–that could be a weekly thing, LOL!). I wrote this post for my book publisher’s blog several months ago and thought I’d splatter it over here for those of you who may have missed its riveting debut.
In case you’re wondering how writing and recipes are related, allow me to connect the dots. I have a passion for writing, something I’ve loved since childhood. I write constantly. If I go longer than a week without keying some form of creative idea, characterization or story line into my computer, I suffer withdrawal. It isn’t pretty. I’m addicted.
I can’t say the same about cooking. Recipes are the bane of my existence. *shudder*
Somewhere along the line, the food gene completely passed me by. My husband says it’s because I have no passion for cooking (probably because I believe kitchens should be decorative, not functional). I guess I spent too much time making Creepy Crawlers as a kid instead of learning how to use an Easy Bake Oven.
I don’t lie awake at night mourning my lack of culinary skills, but it does create a problem when I’m invited to party and feel the need to show up with something edible. Family and friends know my expertise doesn’t go beyond tossing a salad or purchasing some gooey concoction from a bakery and plopping it onto a plate. My co-workers ultimately realized this when they asked me to participate in a luncheon that included a recipe exchange. While others contributed Apple Almond Squares, Stuffed Pepper Soup, Feta Bruschetta, and Curry Coconut Chicken, I arrived with Tortellini Salad and copies of the following recipe:
Mae Clair’s Tortellini Salad
- Mix a healthy dose of delusions with 1 cup of vigorous pep-talk.
- Remind yourself you’ve created complex characters and plots. How difficult can an oven/stove thingie be?
- Ignore husband who begins reminiscing about the “infamous cake fiasco” that resulted in one overly large, hockey puck-like biscotti. Apparently there’s a legitimate reason a box cake mix calls for water. Who knew?
- Settle for making a simple appetizer and breathe a sigh of relief.
- Ignore husband when he snickers and suggests the last appetizer you made should have been killed before it multiplied. Glare when he says you have yet to outgrow the adult supervision stage.
- Blow dust off cookbooks and search for appetizer recipe.
- Ignore husband (who looking over your shoulder) realizes that – – God-be-praised! – – there really is variety in the culinary world and – – *gasp!* – – even something called red meat! Ssssh! Who knew?
- Decide you’d rather spend your time writing than crushing tortilla chips and slicing up fat black olives. Celebrate with a glass of wine.
- The day of luncheon, head for your nearest gourmet deli and clean them out of tortellini salad. Panic when they state you should have called ahead before placing a large order. Plan? Um . . . what exactly is that?
- Ooze charm or desperation, whichever works best. Leave with tortellini salad, mentally high-fiving yourself for being clever.
- Finally, for the highly skilled (I wouldn’t suggest something this complicated on the first try): place said tortellini salad in a festive bowl and pass off as your own. Blank expressions and stammering rarely work when someone asks for the recipe. The best you can hope for is a diversion. Fainting does the trick.
Well, there you have it – – my famous (or is it infamous?) recipe for tortellini salad. My
co-workers enjoyed it though, strangely, I am no longer asked to participate in recipe exchanges. Hmmm . . .
Will I ever develop the same passion for cooking that I have for writing? Probably not. Maybe I can’t whip up a meal that will leave you walking away from the table clamoring to tell all of your friends about it, but, hopefully, the ingredients I’ve sprinkled throughout my upcoming release from Lyrical press will do just that.
I hope you’ll join me October 8th for the release of WEATHERING ROCK, a time-travel / paranormal romance. I promise a smattering of Civil War history, werewolves, hot romance, a friendship turned to rivalry, and several complex character relationships.
Oh, and just for the record, I’ll take a Creepy Crawler over a baking sheet any day! 😀